Relationships

The Biggest Mistake We all Make in our Communication

Last week I talked about how communication makes or breaks any relationship. Effective communication can be the key to resolving issues, overcome obstacles together, and understand each other . On the other hand, I have seen when couples feel like they can’t get their point across, then a lot of problems can arise. It isn’t a straight line to walk and it takes time to learn how to walk this tight rope but when you do, life can be blissful.

I asked the same question on my instagram that ‘What do you think is the most important thing in a relationship’ and I got a lot of interesting answers. Understanding, trust,loyalty and respect were some of the common responses along with communication. The importance of one cannot be denied over the other. I think everything just goes hand in hand. Like if you’re talking but not with respect, very soon, things can get ugly.

But what I feel is if you’re not even talking, then where do other things fit in. Messy right? Relationships are. You need to be able to be vocal about your likes, dislikes and concerns with the other person and respect their boundaries too. It’s a two way thing. Not every time it can be expected that one spouse will be on the listening end, sometimes you need to lend an ear as well. Otherwise relationships start feeling like a burden and can very soon go towards the dreaded path of abuse and breakup. One person cannot carry the burden of two, for very long.

So what are we doing wrong when we are trying to communicate with someone or our significant other? We are listening to respond. We are only hearing them out while our mind is wandering elsewhere or we’re just forming our response. We are not really listening to understand them. We are more concerned about them understanding us and not the other way around. If you just pause, breathe and try to change your narrative to understanding them, it might make a difference.

So, if you are willing, here are some tips to follow for effective communication:

-Be attentive and listen to understand

-Clear your mind of your responses

-Try and focus on their perspective

-Stay calm and talk with respect

-Frame your response in a clear and concise way

-Take breaks if the conversation is going in circles and/but come back to it later

It is very important to come back to your argument and conclude it at a later stage if it isn’t over yet. Leaving it hanging can only further the divide and widen misunderstandings.

I hope this was helpful and we all can practice to make our communication better and effective. I’d love to know how you make your communications effective!

Relationships

This One Thing Can Make or Break Your Relationship

Relationships are hard and messy.

We may think and want them to be smooth sailing, bringing us joy forever but the thing with human behavior and emotions is, that it’s often unpredictable. Enjoying easy going relationships is something that we have to create, seldom does it come naturally.

what makes or breaks a relationship

When we treat our relationships as third grade citizens, they are going to give us the same kind of attitude. If you think that putting down your spouse or shadowing them is going to create any kind of harmony between you two, because that’s how most relationships in our society roll like, then you’re completely wrong. To create that joy and understanding in relationships you need to push your spouse at the front of the line and cheer for them the loudest. Your spouse should be the person who has solid trust in you that you are there for them through thick and thin.

In most relationships that I have observed, I feel like communication is the one and only thing that either makes it great to have a spouse or makes your marriage the worst nightmare you are in. Talking mindlessly or forcefully just for the sake of it, does not count as communicating, and sometimes can often lead to disaster rather than an effective tool to come closer. Also, most often, talking frequently creates more misunderstanding rather than understanding. Assumptions like you both will get along well if you share the same interests or if you are both introverts or extroverts, all take a back seat when it comes to the attitude that you have towards your relationship.

If you can’t find it in your heart to try and be more open and understand your spouses perspective and convey to them how you feel about certain things, then it can become really hard. It is also important to give your significant other the space and trust to open up to you about their feelings. Communication in itself is a tricky subject which demands a whole other or maybe tons of blog posts but what I personally feel and believe in, is that if you can communicate and understand each other, you can have a ball every day and if you can’t, well then, welcome to the nightmare of your dreams.

I don’t mean to scare you by saying this, but understand the importance of communication and work on it. Every relationship is different and takes its own time to develop into a beautiful bond.

I would like to know our thoughts on this, and how important do you think communication is in a relationship?

This post focuses on the importance of communication in intimate relationships but I would like to add that it’s equally important in all other kind of relationships to be able to communicate effectively. It is the premise on which the quality of your relationships lie so try and develop it, if its lacking and if you have mastered it, share your thoughts, I would love to know!

Relationships

5 Tips to Get your Way with Overprotective Parents

Raise your hand if you have overprotective parents- I have. All of us hailing from desi households can relate that overprotective parents can sometimes curb our growth only because they love us and want to protect us from the big bad world out there. Most of us, while growing up cannot understand this, and we think we are being restricted from doing things that we want to do.

How to get your way with overprotective parents
My face when my parents say “no”

Like I remember, in my home, me going somewhere on my own or being out after maghrib, even when I was in university was such a big deal and a straight no. Heck, even coming back from university on my own, using public transport was met with raised eyebrows. At that time I used to whine, and fight (sorry mum and dad) but now I understand why they were so. In my defense I strongly felt (and still feel) that I should be able to do things on my own because at some point I will have to, so why not be as well prepared for it as I can.

So here is me spilling some advice that I wish someone had given me back then on how to talk to my parents and gain a level of understanding to get what I wanted.

BUT FIRST,

Let me tell you that your parents are overprotective for your own good and sometimes they are right in doing so. Some of those restrictions do us well in disciplining us in the long run and instilling some good old values. Also, there is a time for everything and always remember apna time aega! haha. Okay seriously it will come.

NOW, back to the point

1.Talk with Respect

If you want your way with your parents, it’s extremely extremely important that you talk to them with respect no matter what. Don’t lose your calm, don’t get angry, don’t start screaming and worst, don’t barge into your room banging the door behind you. These behaviors actually prove your parents right, that you are not yet mature to be on your own.

2.Show Them you’re Responsible

Take every opportunity to show them that you are responsible. Don’t leave your phone behind when you are out. Carry some cash with you always. Don’t ignore their calls. If you commit a time of return to them, make sure you are back by then or if you’re late, tell them you will get late. Even when you are at home, be a responsible person of the house and take part in home chores. Keep your own room organized or help your mom keeping the home straight. It will all go in your favor.

3.Don’t Break their Trust

If your parents are not listening to you, or giving you permission for something that you want to do, it’s not the best idea to lie to them or cheat them about it. Truth never hides and sooner or later, when you are caught, it will be very hard to gain their trust again.

4.Take “Calculative” Risk

Whenever you can, take baby steps to show your parents that you are responsible and you can do things on your own. Take a friend along the first few times and make sure you return by dawn. This will help your parents see, that you can do it and maybe eventually understand. For instance, for me I always made sure I had a friend along and told them everything when I returned.

5.Have a Dialogue

When there’s absolutely something that you must do, on your own, and it’s beneficial for your growth and professional life ahead, then sit your parents down and explain things to them in a very practical way. If they see and understand your reason, eventually the will agree. Open dialogue often solves most problems.

So, I hope these tips help you make peace with your overprotected parents and help them also see how they may be hindering your growth.

Let me know if it helps in the comments below: